A View From Above

The other night I hiked up to the third floor of the tallest and oldest building located on campus so I could finish some school work. Upon finishing a good chunk of my work I got a phone call from my family. I was so excited to hear from them that I was pacing up and down the hallways. Hearing about their days and what was going on back home made me feel connected with them. Eventually my legs became tired from all my pacing and I decided to wander about the classrooms and find one to sit in. After a little more pacing about I found one that I liked; it was dimly lit and had two large, deep windows which gave it a cozy feel. I walked in, keeping the lights off, and headed toward one of the windows and preceded to perch my butt on the ledge, pull my knees into my chest, and look around. I was so happy to be talking to my family and to be sitting on my newfound little spot that I didn't think the moment could get any better. But when I looked out the window, it did. From the third floor window I was able to see the city several miles away and all the city lights glowing in the night --it was beautiful. In that moment I felt as if everything and everyone in my life was at peace. God was with me on that window ledge thankful for the time we had together as we admired the beauty of the world He created. My previously restless heart was now at peace which made me realize that God has a great way of sneaking in and turning simple moments into wonderful ones whenever I least expect it.

Mail Time!

After my last post I received a letter in the mail from one of my favorite readers who just happens to be a beautiful young lady who I am proud to call my sister. This one letter made me so happy. It has been a blessing in my life and made me realize that there is so much more to life then the trivial spats that people have. Sometimes the simplest of words are the kindest of gestures. In this case they can change someone’s day around. In the letter I received, my dear reader expressed how she feels that judging people based on the expression of their faith is just terrible. She proceeded to tell me that she loves me and that she wanted me to have these pins (above) to remind me that I am loved, especially by her. Thank you lovely lady, you are very much loved by this girl. :)

Your T-Shirt Made Me Smile

I attend a Catholic college in picturesque New England, and as I have recently found, there is some religious competition among the girls. Mass attendance, interaction with the religious personnel, proper dress, and acts of evangelization are the main areas open for judgment. Personally, I am in inwardly faithful person and would rather live my faith the way I see fit. This has worked for me and I plan on sticking with it. However, I don't go to Mass every day, I run in spandex, and I'm not posting scripture verses all over my dorm, so I have been viewed as not "Catholic" enough. Due to this, I have been left out of certain activities and judged for the way I dress. I didn't want it to get to me but tonight I was beginning to question myself, wondering about my prayer life, my actions, my clothes and so on. I was getting rather confused with this line of thinking so I prayed and sent a text to the people who know best -- my parents. They helped me through, assuring me that I should keep doing what I'm doing and do it with a smile, not minding what others may think. Taking their uplifting advice I found a few friends and headed out for ice cream. I treated myself to an ice-cream sandwich and sat down to enjoy my wonderful life with God. Amidst this moment a man walked by with a shirt that said, "If you have haters you must be doing something right". I couldn’t help but smile and thank God for his simple ways of letting me know He is with me.

Never Thought This Would Happen

As I put on my spandex and singlet this morning, I turned around and looked in the mirror and smiled real big. Never did I think I would see the day where I was waking up, putting on a college uniform, and heading to another state to run in my first Division II Varsity Cross Country race. Just four years ago I was nervous about joining the high school team but I did and I loved it. After high school ended, I was determined not to run in college. But God had a different plan. His plan is better than anything I could imagine. The best part is that it is still unfolding. :)

Thank you

A new life, a new start, I guess you could call it that. To me it is a little scarier. It is college. The one thing that took over a year and a half to reach and now it is here. I said my goodbyes, and left four days ago to head away from home and attend college. Being simpleminded I thought that goodbyes would be hard but I never expected them to be as hard as they were and still are. I am homesick and miss my family and friends. It hasn't been a comfortable process but I am very happy to know that God has been by my side this whole time. Every time I miss someone God reminds me how great it is that I have so many people to miss. I have people who love me and who I love as well. When I think of it that way I am not so sad. Rather I am glad to know that so many good, kind, wonderful, and loving people are in my life. Thank you Lord for each and every one of them.

Today Is A Day To Be Awesome

Anyone have a recurring monster that haunts you? It is a thought, an action, a mood, that puts a black cloud over your day. It tries to ruin anything and everything that it can. I personally have one, and it is not fun. My bad mood just seems to take over the day. Today is different; today I am standing up to it. I am ready to put up a fight; I am ready to take it down. Today is my day to shine. Push over bad mood monster, you are going down.

A Fathers Love

I personally know that I am not strong enough to face this world on my own. The other night I was praying and asking God to walk with me through all the changes I have coming my way. During this time God showed me that throughout my life He has sent little helpers to be by my side. What really struck me is that He said He has sent a bit of Himself to walk with me throughout my whole life. He then showed me my Daddy. God is so good. Whenever I think about it, my Dad really is like a little part of God sent down as a gift to me. He is always there and has always been there. In all my fondest memories, he is there. In my most prominent memories, he is there. In my memory of graduation I see his proud smiling face beaming with such joy as he watched me process in. And I feel his bear hug encasing me as I gave him a huge hug and cried on his shoulder. He has always been there and shinning through him has been a piece of God. The piece that God saved just for me. The piece that no one else has because I'm keeping my Dad and not trading him for anything. He's my Dad, my little bit of God and I love him so very very much.

Over?

High school is over and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. A lot of emphasis was placed on graduation day and now the big day has come and gone and I'm left to ponder what happened. I guess you could say it's over and I'm done but it doesn't feel like that. It sounds cliche but it really doesn't feel like it's over. The events keep playing over in my mind -my family's proud grin, walking to receive my diploma (which had two typo's :P), many hugs, and an immense outpouring of love. The day was spectacular and I don't want to leave it behind. I guess in a way I never will. My memories will keep it alive so that it will never fully be "over".

So Much Love

Hello dear readers, I greatly apologize for not posting in a while. I take full responsibility but in my defense I have been super busy. Once things calm down I will be sure to post. Since my last post many things have happened. For instance, my last day of high school occurred as well as my last high school dance as well as several graduation practices. And tomorrow -drum roll please- I graduate. I can't even believe it. I guess when I wasn't looking I grew old. Through it all there's one thing that I've realized -I am so loved. And now as a big momentous moment in my life is about to occur I can honestly say I feel so much love. The people you love and the people who love you make life special. To everyone who loves me, I thank God for having placed you in my life. I love you.

Feeling Like Noah

I feel like Noah right now. It's been either rainy or gray every day for the past month and it is currently raining. Personally, I'm a fan of the rain. It gives me a reason to get on my comfy clothes, jump on the couch, and watch a movie with my family. That is the type of rainy day I enjoy. But after about four weeks of it, I'm getting a little bored by the weather. The sad thing is that I've started wishing for an ark. Yes, an ark, like the one Noak built. If I had one, maybe it would help me float over these rainy, gray days and bring me to a mountain where all the rain would dry up, and the sun would shine. If an ark would bring me to the sun, I would take it. I miss the sun. So please dear readers, please say a prayer that the sun will come out soon, New England is missing it. :-)

Little Cousins

I am the oldest cousin on each side of my family so when it comes to family parties I usually act as the older playmate and babysitter. That is not at all a problem for me, I love all my little cousins and they are fun to spend time with. This past weekend I saw some of my youngest cousins whom I hadn’t seen in a while. Between catching some of them at the end of the slid and helping push them on the swing set, I ended up spending some time with my cousin, Johnny, who is five years old now. Being a middle child amongst six kids ages seven and under, he doesn’t receive much individual attention. But when I got to see him, we were able to play Frisbee and he was able to talk to me about whatever his little heart desired. After our mini Frisbee game with me and a few other cousins I retreated to the outside deck to sit and talk with my aunts and uncles. As I was sitting there with my knees up to my chest when all of a sudden Johnny ran up to me and wrapped his little arms around my legs. He looked up at me as I said, “what’s up Johnny?”. Then he looked me straight in the face and said “I just wanted to tell you that I love you”.

Terrible Pattern

I admit that I can often fall into the terrible pattern of taking things for granted. This past week I've found myself complaining more than being thankful.But today I received a wake up call. I recently found out that an acquaintance of my moms died suddenly and unexpectedly yesterday morning leaving behind three young children and a now widowed wife. The whole situation is terribly sad and came as a shock to everyone. What surprised me the most is that just a few days ago he was going for a run with the a group of his friends but in a matter of days he had passed on. Hearing this hit me right in the chest. He was a happy man who was enjoying life, running with his friends but no one knew that it was all going to be gone just a few days later. Upon hearing this I felt guilty for all the time I've wasted. I take to much for granted and I seldom stop to think that tomorrow I may not be here. You or I or anyone you love could be gone in a split second. With that thought in mind I am off to go love my life and the people in it and I hope you will do the same. I ask that you please pray for the family that this man has left behind. God Bless! =)

Poem For Singles

Being a teenage girl, I often dream about my future. I wonder if I will get married or if I'll have kids or just what will happen. I came across this poem and I fell in love with it. It reminds me that God has a plan for me even if it may not be what I envision. I highly recommend it. =) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&feature=player_embedded

"Look At Me"

As I was sitting in Holy Thursday Mass, I was overcome with many emotions. Everything was so beautiful yet I felt that I couldn't enjoy it, like something I had done was holding me back. I kept trying to figure out what was wrong so that I could make it better but I realized that I could not fix it on my own. I knelt down and prayed to Jesus asking Him to help me. As I was praying I heard Him say, "Look at me." I looked up and upon doing so, my eyes met up with Jesus who was hanging limp on the cross. He addressed me by name and said, "I love you this much. I love you, I love you, I love you." I felt a flood of love pouring out from His arms. At that moment I realized that His arms are always wide open for me. Nothing I do will ever cause Him to close His arms and push me away. When I look at the cross, Jesus' arms are nailed there, He isn't going anywhere. His unending love is there forever and the arms that conquered the world are never to big or far away to hold you and I.

Running Away

At first I started tiptoeing away but now, I don't care. I am running away. I am going to get away from it all. All that I thought I was and all that I thought I would be, are being shed as I run to You. My broken state will be placed in Your hands and in my broken state, You will step in and transform me. I will become more of you and less of me and that is exactly what I want for You are the one who can make me into the me I am meant to be.

sI yteicoS

During my internship at school, I am able to work with the freshman. Having it be a public school, there are students are often labeled as being this or that. Out of all the groups, the 'troubled' kids aren't looked at in the best way, especially by the 'smart' students. I have had a chance to work with both groups and both have been great. However, in the beginning I was a little reluctant to work with these so called troubled students. Once I got to know them, I've realized that they are actually one of my favorite groups to meet with. You might ask, what changed? It's me. I found out that these kids come from broken homes, poverty, and tragedy. Through my talking with them I realized how great these kids are. Despite their situation they still press on and live life from day to day. They take care of themselves and if they have a family they usually have to take care of them as well. Just talking to them made me realize that people are more then the labels society dons on them. In my opinion, these are the smart students. They might not be book smart but they are smart where it matters. They realize aspects of the world that the 'smart' kids do not. Things I never realized before, they have shown me.

*nope, the title isn't misspelled -it's a puzzle :P

I'm In Better Hands Now

As you can probably tell, my life has been kind of hectic. I'm trying to fight a case of senioritis and finish my thirty some-odd days of school all while trying to decide where I'm going for college. It is quite a stressful time and because of that my brain has been scattered just about every which way. Throughout this college search I have had to rely on God for everything -the acceptance letters, the money to pay for college, the wisdom to know where He wants me to attend and so on and so on. I admit that I have to always work on my trust in Him especially as the deadlines are quickly approaching. It can be hard to do so but when I let Him take over everything turns out better than I could have ever expected.

Thank you!

Hello dear reader!

I would like to take this moment to thank you for reading. You make my time blogging so worthwhile. Your few moments of reading brings me hours full of happiness. Thank you so much. If you ever have anything you would like to share, please let me know. You can comment or email or even both! :-) Thank you for reading!

Hoping to hear from you,
Tantulum Chrysanthumum

A Love Letter From Jesus

My precious daughter,
I will never leave you,
I will never forsake you,
I will be faithful until the end,
You are more than just "my daughter"
You are my princess,
My beloved, my delight,
I rejoice in you,
You are beautiful,
You shine with light,
You have dove's eyes,
I rejoice in you with singing,
I will quiet you with my love,
Hold you in my arms,
Never let you go,
For you are never alone,
You never have been alone,
I've been with you all along,
Your whole life,

I understand your pain,
My sacrifice wasn't for nothing,
Let me tell you I understand your confusion,
I understand your anger and frustration,
I understand your tears,
And I care,
Very much,
For you,
Everything that is important to you,
Is important to me too,
My love for you will never end,
I will not leave you for another,
I will not abandon you ever,
No matter how far you go,
My love will never end.

I have examined you heart,
I know everything about you,
When you sit down or stand up,
I know your thoughts,
Even when you are far away,
I see you when you travel,
Or when you rest at home,
I see the tears that fall from your eyes,
I see the heartache in your home,
Believe me I know the lies,
I know the temptations,
But I am here,
I know what you are going to say,
Even before you say it.
I go before you and follow,
I place my hand of blessing on your head,
Such knowledge is beyond comprehension,
It is too wonderful for you to understand,
You can never escape from my Spirit,
You can never get away from my presence!
If you go up to heaven, I am there;
If you go down to the grave, I am there.
If you ride the wings of the morning,
If you dwell by the farthest oceans,
Even there my hand will guide you,
And my strength will support you.

You could ask the darkness to hide you,
And the light around you to become night,
But even in darkness you cannot hide from me,
To me night shine as day,
Darkness and light are the same to me,
I made all the delicate, inner parts of your body,
I made your heart,
I know what makes you hurt,
I know what makes you cry,
I know what makes you tick,
I know when breaks your heart the most,
And I know how to comfort you,
I know how to make you smile,
I know how to love you,
I know how to be a daddy who loves,
Such a beautiful daughter like you,
You long for acceptance,
When you were already accepted into my family,
You are fearfully and wonderfully made,
I love you more than you know,
I will fill your heart with the love and peace you long for,
I saw you before you were born,
I knit you together in your mother's womb,
Even then I loved you,
And I was proud of you,
And I thought of you as my beautiful daughter, my princess,
Everyday of your life is recorded in my book,
Every moment was laid out,
Every moment that would bring you joy,
Every moment that would bring you pain.

My thoughts about you are precious,
They cannot be numbered,
They out number the grains of sand,
And when you wake up in the morning,
I am still with you,
I love you more than you know,
You are beautiful to me,
Even though you feel something is always wrong,
Just look into my eyes,
See how I see you,
A beautiful princess,
With beautiful eyes that shine with my love and my light,
I love you,
And I will say it again,
I love you,
My princess, my beloved,
My precious daughter,

I love you,
I love you,
I love you.

Don't give up,
For I see the brokenness in your families,
In your friendships,
I see the pain in your eyes,
Your beautiful heart,
That used to be so filled joy,
Is now crushed beneath your burdens,
But you're still beautiful to me,
So beautiful to me,
I will heal you and restore you once again,

My precious daughter,
I will never leave you,
I will never forsake you,
I will be faithful until the end,

Faithful until the end...

Your loving Father and Daddy, Prince of Peace, King of Glory,
-Jesus

*Thank you to ChildofJesus at http://christianblog.com/105c for providing this beautiful letter*

It's Still Winter

Winter is dragging to it's end. It's still cold out (well at least here in New England) and the sun is struggling to make an appearance. These days are especially difficult for me. The combination of being cold and a deficiency of sun doesn't exactly bring out the best in me. However, I find that it brings out the best in God. My grumpiness doesn't scare Him away. That's what is amazing about our God, He never leaves us, no matter how grumpy we are. He is not leaving --not now, not ever.

Something To Say

"You were created, your life is a gift and/ the lights are shining on you today 'cause/ you've got something to say" ~ from Something to Say by Matthew West

In my life the above quote is a great reminder. Personally I like to listen to people and because of that I tend to be a quieter person. However, when I have something to say I would like to be listened to. I believe this applies to everyone not just me. Sadly, being listened to does not always happen. People often cut me off, insult my thoughts, or just give me the cold shoulder. This has happened to everyone and I personally know that it is not a great feeling. It actually really bugs me. This quote is a great reminder to me that what I have to say is valid. If someone doesn't want to listen or is rude about it, too bad for them because God created me and my life is a gift. Everyone that you encounter is a gift from God. What they have to say just might change your life.

This is AMAZING!

What is holding our body together? This video shows the molecule that is. It is incredible! I highly recommend watching it. =)

In Love

As we all know, Saint Valentine's Day was this past week. I usually don't pay much attention to this holiday because I am not married nor am I engaged to be married. However, when I was thinking I realized that I don't have to be married or engaged or even dating to enjoy the day. This is because I am already in love. Yes, I know this sounds crazy coming from someone who hasn't graduated high school yet, but I really am in love. I am in love with a wonderful man named Jesus. The best thing is that I know for sure that He loves me back. He would die for me. And that is exactly what He did. This year on Saint Valentine's Day I enjoyed the day because I knew and still know that I am in love.

Jesus On Ice

Nope, it isn't the latest musical production or theatrical preformance. It is actually something I saw when I went to a hockey game against my school's biggest rival. A bunch of people came to watch, in fact a quarter of the hockey rink was filled with students from my school. On the team are a pair of brothers, one being the goalie and the other being a player. They amaze me in the way they conduct themselves. In their life they have experienced hardships, one of which includes the death of their father. As I was watching the players come onto the ice for the playing of the National Anthem, I noticed the goalie bowing his head in a prayer-like manner. As the game progressed to the end, the goalie's younger brother scored the last goal of the game. It brough the team to a wonderful win. When the team was huddling around him in congratulations, he pointed towards heaven in a thankful manner. In that moment I realized that these brothers are such a blessing. They brought Jesus onto the ice.

Beautifully Made

For a minute forget what the world says. Forget the judgements. Forget the assumptions. Forget all of that. I have something I want to tell you. I want to tell you that you are beautiful. This is not an opinion- even though I do think you're beautiful- it is fact. God created you. Yes, you, and you know what? God doesn't create junk. You and I are beautiful because God made us beautiful. No matter what anyone says or assumes or judges it will not change your beauty. You are made in the image and likeness of God and you are beautiful.

A Masterpiece

I found this video through a friend of mine and I absolutley love it! It is a video that made me smile. I highly reccomend you check it out.

The Home He Dreams Of

The trees sway in rhythmic patterns, the wind swishes by, the clouds gather to create a beautiful backdrop, and then the sun slowly comes up and completes the gorgeous scene. It is all so intricate and beautiful. When I see the scene laid out before me I am in such awe. God is just so good. All this beauty is here for us. Funny thing is, even with all the beauty of the world, God doesn't want to live there. There is only one place where God wants to live. That one place is your heart. When I first read about this in Max Lucado's book, God Thinks You're Wonderful, I thought it was so cute. Then I thought about it some more. I realized my heart is nothing like nature. My heart contains sin and pain and wounds. How could God want that? He not only wants it, He desires it. He wants it as his home. In my pondering and praying I've come to realize a very obvious fact, God is not like us. He sees more than your or I see. He sees the beauty in us that we cannot see ourselves. He wants to be with us, remove all the dust of sin, and help us realize our beauty. God could live anywhere He desired yet there is only one place where He wants to live and that is in your heart.

A Little Light? I Don't Think So

Have you ever hear the song "This Little Light Of Mine"? It goes "this little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine". Well I hear a little bit of it today and it struck me as odd. We all have the light of God inside of us. It shines brightly for all to see. However I wouldn't call it a little light. I think that the light you and I have inside of us is like a bonfire. I think that we are the ones who turn it into a little light.

Good Friends Are Like Band-Aids

Recently I have come to realize something --good friends are like band-aids. Before this will make sense, I have to back track. We know that in order to get to know someone, you have to make yourself vulnerable. Actually, both parties have to make themselves vulnerable if the relationship is going to become anymore than a surface level cordial friendship. In order for this to happen you have to remove the coverings that carefully disguise and hide the most tender parts of your soul. When you decide to reveal those tender parts of your being, you place a great amount of trust in that person. You trust that they will protect your open wounds and sores and not pile dirt into them. You hope that they will help you and not hurt you. When you find a good friend that's exactly what they do. If they're really good, they'll protect you. They'll be like a band-aid to your wounds --sticking with you, trying to make it better, and trying to keep out anything that could hurt you. I believe that is why we become anxious when things are not right between us and someone we are close to; we are afraid that they will rip the band-aid off and leave us hurting and vulnerable. A good friend wouldn't do that because good friends are like band-aids, not the doctor who pries them off.